Wednesday, 5 November 2014

We shall see what becomes of The Squee... nice rhyme.

For the last couple of months I have had an email from my blog host sitting in my inbox, asking me to pay for another twelve months of hosting. 

My email is set so the unread emails stay at the top and each time I checked it this email stared at me, forcing me to make a decision about the life of this blog. I opened it a number of times, closing it shortly after and clicking "mark as unread" each time, as if putting off the decision would somehow mean I wouldn't need to think about it or acknowledge that I haven't been putting any effort at all into it.

The renewal date has passed and I paid it. It was cheap after all. It's not much to shell out to have my own corner of the internet. It did get me thinking though, about my time, my priorities and why the hell I haven't been here squeeing it up.  There are a few reasons. 

It's not cool, I know, but I regularly compare myself to other bloggers and writers... I catch myself thinking "we all have the same number of hours in the day so it's not a very good excuse for not doing what you want/said you'd do/think you should do. Other great bloggers have lots of other things to do and they still manage to post decent content regularly, what is wrong with you?!" 

That kind of thinking just puts me in a black hole, it's useless. I have been spending my time on other things and that is actually ok. It's really very fine and completely ok that I have not made time for blogging and it is just dandy that I like to pop in occasionally to share things. I am not a famous blogger (well duh!) and I have no obligation to sponsors or regular readers (hello? anyone there?) so it seems perfectly fitting that I do it how I want. And for now, it's sporadic and maybe just a little bit crap.

I have stopped wanting blog awards and sponsorship. I don't want to drive a car around and write about it. I haven't got time for more things. I have time for my family, my job, getting healthy again and uni. And I sometimes have a little extra time to do creative things like crochet or spray painting things (that's my new favourite thing!) and I might, just might, find the time to write about some of those things here. 

But it's ok if I don't. 

There are other reasons too. I have lots of things I want to say but I don't feel this is a really safe place for my honesty and to hold some pretty full on things. Things to do with foster parenting, relationships, politics and my health are very personal and while I am actually desperate to share them I need to be careful with whom I share. So for now, here is not the place. 

We shall see what becomes of The Squee.  Nice rhyme huh?

So that said, I'm off to take a cake out of the oven (banana cake... I also made banana muffins and banana biscuits. Guess whose husband went dumpster diving last night?!)


  1. mmm banana! good idea to not put pressure on yourself, enjoy your blog(I do) and do it whenever suits you. As soon as things feel like a job, its not fun anymore. See you when we see you and thats nice!

  2. Much as I always enjoy seeing an update from you (!) I completely get how you feel. I too have so much to say but feel the need, after some hard won wisdom in that arena, to be careful about how I say it and who I share it with. After closing my old blog at the start of the year I expected my blogging mojo to reappear after a few months but to my surprise it hasn't. I think blogging is very different to how it used to be - and it's a world I'm not entirely sure I fit in with any more, hence the stepping away for a while - but if and when I do ever start blogging regularly again, it will be because I want to. So I absolutely encourage you to do whatever feels right for you! Having an indefinite break has been wonderful for my sanity. But blogging lead me to you and many other friends who have enriched my life and for that I'm so truly grateful! And I'm only ever a Skype away if you want to have a chat. xxxx

  3. i love your blog...and i love that you just write what you write, when you write! my blog has become like that. i used to blog once or twice a week, now it's whenever i feel inspired to. so that could be once every few months or 5 times a week...whatev's. one of the things i've really come to value recently as an independent musician, independent zine maker, independent everything that i am the boss! i can do things coz i want to, not do things coz i dont want to...and there is freedom in that. so hooray! hooray for blogs and the connections and thoughts and creativity they bring, and boo for stressing about them..coz they shouldnt be stressful hey. go, the squee!! love ya lovely lady xx

  4. I love your blog too, and I would always love to read more. Always. I know how you feel though - I would rather have time to sit and have a good chat with a trusted friend than put it all out there for the world to read, even though at one point I got great comfort from that. I still love blogging too, but its so hard to find the time and feel like you are actually getting enough out of it to keep making the effort.


Thank you for your comment! Your comment will be visible after approval from Ashley.